As I write this, we are heading into the season of continual holidays – Halloween, Day of the Dead, Diwali, Thanksgiving, Bodhi Day, St. Nicholas Day, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, etc. My son, Kieran, celebrates them all! Holidays are one of his passions, and his enjoyment of them is infectious. Early in September, he and his provider headed to the Halloween store where he selected a Chuckie costume, as he put it “kind of an evil doll.” He has taken every opportunity to wear it, with several more planned.
His appearance at Autism Society Central Ohio’s Band Together event prompted the comment, “It never crossed my mind that I would personally experience Chuckie playing the Beatles.” But there IS photo evidence.
Let me admit that I am a total chicken when it comes to horror movies. I could barely watch the commercials when the Chuckie movies hit the theaters. And I sincerely hope that Kieran has never actually watched one. I had to accept Kieran’s choice of costume despite my feelings. Because his Autism has deprived him of a lot of other choices, I need to honor those he can safely make. I need to honor those he can safely make. This was a very hard parenting lesson to learn, and it took me many years to master it.
Part of learning to parent a child with Autism is letting go of caring about what people think. What does it matter now that Kieran wore his pajamas under his clothes throughout the preschool years? That he wore his favorite shirt dirty because I did not have the time to wash it one night? That we purchased at least two extra copies of Good Night, Moon because I forgot to pack it when we were going out of town in order to preserve the bedtime routine?
While some may talk about these as fixations, as I look back, I think these were a way of fostering his choice-making, of listening to his messages. Of course, occasionally those choices were not ideal, but those offered the opportunity for learning. This November, I have resolved to be thankful for Kieran’s freedom to make all the choices he can.
I wish you a wonderful November.
Kathi J. Machle, President