The holiday season has crept up on me. Every year, I resolve to simplify it because I know that Thanksgiving and all the December events are about the time we spend together, not about the trappings. But I struggle (and, usually, keep doing what I’ve always done). After all, how can we survive without at least eight varieties of cookies, my mother-in-law’s peanut brittle and a variety of thoughtfully chosen gifts? I know that all of those things are about MY needs and expectations and are not the result of any requirements. As with everything, I have to give myself grace when I fail to reach the goal of a simple December.
December is never simple and expecting to make it that way is absurd!
Setting reasonable goals and expectations is one way to remove stress from our lives. When my son Kieran was in elementary school, we had an ABA provider who became a member of the family. It distressed her that Kieran sat at the foot of the table for meals – in the spot traditionally reserved for the mother. She often told me that I should make him move. I was just happy that he came to the table and ate something. In my mind, we had reached a goal. In hers, we had made a mistake in how we reached it.
For many years, Kieran did not open his gifts on Christmas morning. He sat and watched everyone else open theirs and left his intact for a few days. It drove his siblings crazy! They couldn’t understand how he could wait to see what was inside. It is sometimes hard to understand that not everyone experiences events in the same way and that those differences are okay. Our expectations can prevent us from enjoying the here and now – in this case, that Kieran was sitting in the living room with us, not alone rewatching a video. We miss the pleasure of the “inchstones” while looking for the milestones.
For many years, I have used this graphic to show how we can reach our goals. Not all of these figures wins the race, but they all get to the finish line!
In the next few weeks, I am hoping that you find the joy in reaching (or watching your loved one reach) one tiny goal! Happy holidays!
Kathi J. Machle, President